ataraxion | video + conscription

[Passengers who've met Heather before might notice she's a bit paler and a bit darker around the eyes than usual. Passengers who haven't are about to get a charming introduction, if it's delivered in a slightly flatter, wearier tone than her usual.]

Been a while since I've done one of these, so I should probably introduce myself. Heather Mason. I'm a double-oh-two and I work in the gardens, which is why I'm speaking to you today.

The oxygen gardens are what keep us all breathing and eating stuff that doesn't come in a vacuum pack. They're not a petting zoo. There are four of us trying to keep that place running and it's hard enough without worrying about the crops getting eaten or kicked over or people's pets trying to kill each other. So here's the deal: You're keeping something in the gardens? Drugs, pets, livestock. Dinosaurs. Congratulations. Now you work there. I don't want to hear any bitching, either. We all depend on the oxygen gardens to keep us alive, so if you're taking more out of them than anybody else, you need to put more in.

Oh, and if what you've got in there might cause damage to what someone else has there? It's your job to make sure that doesn't happen, not anybody else's. Come on.

[She'd add that the people she's just conscripted should contact her for details but... well, they might take that as an invitation not to.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

I would really like to watch you make me.

[Quietly, carefully, Edyne presses audio and waits a moment to ask.]

Are they all pets?

[She's unused to that word, and it takes a subtle effort to speak it. Usually it's meant to be less than flattering.]

Anyone gives you a hard time, I've got your back.

[excuse you, Jaye, she killed god.]

Oh, I don't imagine I could make you do anything.

I grill a mean steak, though.

[ Bring it. ]

Touch her and I'll make sure you have a one-way trip out the airlock.

I'm not sure I'd call a cow a pet, but they're all spoken for, if that's what you mean. Least, I'm not aware of anything that got there on its own. Were you looking for something?

[and because in this place, who knows?]

Or someone?

Oh, no - I was just wondering. [Her voice is only a little unsteady when she begins, then it grows quieter.] I saw many animals, when I woke up.

[Josias looks amused, more than anything, but it's more at her delivery than the idea itself. Though he can think of one potential problem:]

And what if they're already signed up elsewhere?

[ YOU ARE NEVER GETTING LAID AGAIN ]

[ DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TRYING TO GARDEN WITH A GIANT DINOSAUR WATCHING YOU. ]

[ DOES SHE LOOK LIKE SHE CARES? ]

Ms. Mason; this is Miles Edgeworth. I will not act without your go-ahead, but if you are feeling in this moment threatened or uncomfortable, I can act at once to intervene in this situation.

Jaye.

[ yeah he is probably never gonna get laid again. ]

What?

[ never ever. ]

[He sighs]

Look, I'd be happy enough to help out, but the fact is I'm already general support for all the departments. The only general support for all the departments. And there aren't many places on this ship I can keep Myfanwy where she'd be happy. Does it help that she doesn't eat plants?

Then they can eat me.

Okay, I know I could have been more charming about that, but people can't just keep dumping stuff in there and hoping for the best. We're not pet groomers or babysitters, and I rank our ability to breathe slighty above Daisy's afternoon snack.

Hey, it's like you're psychic or something. That or we've got a ship full of entitled jerkwads, but I'm really hoping you'll be able to tell me what color I'm thinking of.

I'm really not a child of Demeter, so I can't promise a green thumb. [ if it's not go fetch, Percy, save the world and bring us this thing, he's sort of without skills. ] But where do you weigh in on volunteers?

Edited 2012-09-10 08:33 (UTC)

I get your point. Although, for the record, there is no way that garden's big enough to be supplying all the oxygen for the ship. There're CO2 scrubbers doing most of the work.

But it seems like it's a pretty big ship, for everyone to be fighting over the rights to one area. Any reason we can't expand the gardens? Take clippings, put together some more hydroponic setups in some of the unused rooms? Like mini-parks, or urban farms? Doesn't solve the problem of the really big animals, but it might help with where to put the smaller ones.

Listen to you, all scary. If you're stupid enough to commit murder over a cow you don't care enough about to take responsibility for, especially once you've announced it over a public network? You're gonna have a harder time with me than you think.

Unless you had the foresight to steal her some feed or you've been planting to make up for what she's eating on the sly. Have you?

And they say chivalry's dead.

Not that I don't appreciate the offer, but it's gonna take more than bareknuckle barbie throwing her toys out of the crib over being asked to take some responsibility to scare me.

'course, if she turns out to be more than tits and tantrums and I do get airlocked, I wouldn't be upset if you made sure she never saw anything but the brig again.

Yeah, there's a lot of them around. More every jump.

[Oh, she's so quiet. Angry as Heather is at everything ever right now, it makes her feel bad for the tirade and she lowers her own voice in response.]

Keep a secret? I actually kinda like them. It makes the place seem a little less sinister, you know? I'm just getting tired of having to pick my way around piles of crap every time I'm in the gardens.

You're new, right?

Shit.

[She huffs, scrubs her hands over her face and back through her hair.]

Look, I'm sorry. I'll cop to the fact that it's the freakin' dinosaur that set me off, but mostly I'm just annoyed it's so hard to get anyone to pitch in there but everyone's perfectly happy to stroll in and just use it for whatever the hell they see fit. I get that it's not a cool job, not like gunnery or flight or even security, but it's important.

But. So's what you do. I don't want to sound like I don't understand that most of the rest of us couldn't get shit done without you doing your thing. Between that and the fact she -- Myfanwy? -- [She's trying okay sorry about your language] doesn't eat plants, I'm not gonna give you a hard time about it. But for the love of god, don't tell any of those other assholes.

[Here Ianto have the closest thing she's managed to a smile in about three weeks]

And if you ever bring me triceratops or something we are going to throw down, and I'm not even gonna give you time to change out of your suit.

You're Percy, right? I love volunteers. Even ones that come with that face. We can use all the help we can get. Hence the tantrum.

[Holy crap did she just say hence? She's totally blaming your "child of Demeter" business okay]

And I wouldn't worry about the green thumbs. I once killed a potted cactus. If the place can survive me, it can survive anything.

Don't look at me, I've never even been in an airplane. If Capa'd told me that when I asked about the place I'd have signed up for something cool instead.

That's actually a damn good idea. Wouldn't keep people from acting like jerks about it, but at least wouldn't have to either miss out or wind up as snacks. I just don't know if we've got enough willing hands to make it happen.

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