ataraxion | 006

Good for him.

[What else can he say? He should be back. At least one of them got out.]

off the ship? you're sure?

Home, I assume.

Where are you?

[He knows, from having seen Erik after the Charles, who had been aboard ship before him left, that these losses tended to affect the other mutant more than Erik would ever let on.]

Outside of Alex's room.

[ Attached is the room number, but Erik doesn't offer much more than that, because he's pleased for Charles' offer in asking him. ]

It's the only assumption we have. He's not dead.

Certain. I trust in Alex more than to believe he'd be dead.

I suppose so. His possessions are here if you need them.

[Charles does not bother responding.

Instead, he begins to work his way from the kitchen, where he had been getting himself some tea, to the floor and room number that Erik had supplied.

It took him perhaps ten minutes, before he was walking along the hallway, hands in his pockets and eyes lifted towards his friend.]

Erik?

...what does he even have? I mean--I guess I'll take the suit.

I can cannibalize the parts for shit. See if Tony can upgrade my suit.

[ There's really nothing Erik can say to Charles, but the man's company is needed, because he still feels ill at ease with another one of their team gone. Alex may have been on Charles' side, and they may have continued to bicker and fight almost constantly, but he was still one of them, and Erik was grateful for as much.

He was standing in front of the door, having just closed it, double checking to ensure that Alex wasn't anywhere in sight before he made the call. ] Charles. [ Erik returns the look just briefly, turning away with a slight roll of his shoulders. ]

I suppose it's a good thing, right?

[Walking up to Erik, Charles glanced at the closed door for a long moment and then looked back to his friend.]

The selfless way to look at it would be to say it is a good thing. It is a good thing for Alex.

It is a rather lonesome thing for those of us left behind.

[Reaching out, Charles lightly touched Erik's elbow. It was a light touch, little more than a hint of guidance to encourage Erik to start walking away from what was now only an empty room.]

[ It wasn't until Erik felt the touch that he finally pulled away, lost in his own thoughts about just how selfless it was for Alex to leave them, and the rest of them were stuck remaining behind. ]

Lonesome. [ Erik scoffed slightly, eyes narrowed as he glanced down the hallway before sticking his hands back into his pockets. ]

More like we're out of any chances of surviving.

[When Erik pulled away, Charles lowered his hand and carefully slid it back into his pockets. He had not meant to crowd the older man, just responded instinctively, forgetting that this Erik might not appreciate the physical touch.]

I think you are being a bit dire in that prediction. [Charles admonished gently, moving to fall into step beside Erik.]

I imagine you could find someone aboard this ship who could give you a run down of the amount of theoretical and practical forces that are being pushed and pulled against just to hold us here. That some of us disappear as unpredictably as we came should not be a surprise.

I'd rather hear it from you, [ Erik responded softly. It's not a concession he usually makes, but Erik has never been good at physics in the first place, and he expects that despite Charles' rather simplistic explanation, someone else wouldn't be so courteous. ] seeing as you've already confused me enough.

[ The latter is Erik's attempt at teasing him, lips curling upwards into a small smile as he kept pace with Charles. He refrained from wanting to reach out, touch the other man and make sure that even if Alex had left him, Charles would still be here for him. It wasn't that he truly needed anyone around; Erik had been alone for his entire life to ever be dependent, it was more that Erik had begun to accept their company together, and to lose out on it when he knew the ship was trying to get the better of him would be a blow to the walls he had been building up. ]

[Giving his friend a quick, sideways glance, Charles smiled slightly and then looked back forward down the hallway.]

Funny you should ask. [He said.] Alex, Havock if you will, asked me something similar the other day. I will tell you, as I told him, that I am afraid the theoretical around time travel and inter dimensional kidnapping was not part of my proposed field of doctorate study.

[Still, now that he had gotten this question from both men, Charles' mind was starting to chew into the question.]

[ Erik had to let out a hollow laugh at that, reminded of Charles' fascination with obtaining a doctorate. He had at one point, read though the man's thesis, most of the explanation going well over his head, but he knew it tied in well with Charles' own fascination for everyone's mutation, including his own. ]

Something other than genetics? [ It was an honest question, and a deflection from talking about Alex, but Erik enjoyed the simplicity of the conversation. He had rarely had these moments with any of the other mutants, Raven being one of the rare exception if only for being here long enough. ]

Hmm?

[The question genuinely threw Charles for a moment, as he truly had not thought of home or really of his academic life before Moira and the CIA had invaded it. Now, casting his mind back to his accomplishments and his plans for further studies, Charles' lips curved in a very melancholy smile.]

I already had obtained my doctorate in genetics by the time I met you. Less than a week, to be precises. But there were a couple other fields I was starting to explore. Biochemistry and physics to be precise.

[There is a wistfulness in his tone as he speaks of plans that seemed so far away and long ago. Before the reality of mutant kind and the need to reach out to, protect and guide a new species had taken over his life.]

[ He notes the tone with which Charles speaks, recalling their conversation from earlier when the man had distracted him over the nightmares he'd have. Erik had his own need to continue a family, riding on his parents as unconditionally supportive figures, Charles didn't. They never particularly spoke about their past before they met each other, but it didn't take much for Erik to pick up on that in the emptiness of Charles' home. In a way, he could believe it made sense for Charles to dive into other fields.

Accustomed as he was to talking about something that benefited both of them, Erik found himself willing to ask questions about Charles, trying to take that step to get to know the man personally, because they had, for so long, known more about Erik than Erik had known about him. ]

Was there a reason why?

A reason why ... what?

[Charles asked, glancing over at his friend with a genuinely puzzled expression on his face.]

For pursuing two additional fields.

[ Call it curiosity, or really small talk, but Erik had a point to this. ]

Oh!

[He felt a little idiotic for not having realized that himself and gave Erik a sheepish glance before looking down the hallway thoughtfully.]

Biochemistry was an easy choice, it would give me more tools for the study of genetics.

[The second one though, that was a bit more complicated.]

Physics, well ... it had a purpose.

Then we should be happy for him.

I'm just wondering... how. no way he took a shuttle, so. jump drive? I guess? this doesn't make any sense.

[ someone's not taking this well ]

Are you going to tell me that purpose, or do I have to divine it out of you?

[ Because Erik isn't the telepath in this situation, nor is he that good at worming out information from someone that doesn't involve excessive use of violence. Casting a glance back towards Alex's door, he sighs briefly before turning his attention back to Charles at his side. ]

[The question caused Charles to pause a half step, looking at Erik curiously as if he couldn't completely believe the man had asked. Giving a slight hop step to catch back up to his friend's stride, Charles glanced down at his feet for a moment, still quiet.

The answer was not something he spoke about much, in fact he had never even talked about it with Erik, even when they had been sharing a bed and physical intimacy.]

Have you ever read about the idea of body-mind quantum physics, Erik?

[ Shaking his head, Erik slowed down, allowing Charles to keep up with him. ]

Unfortunately not. My interest was in electromagnetism, [ He answered with a slight shrug. Erik wasn't by any means as scholarly as Charles was, but he dove into the subject with a bit of curiosity, trying to determine if the current advances made in the field could be translated over to his own mutation. ]

Oh?

And why is that? [Charles asked the question, though if Erik looked closely at his eyes, he'd see the twinkle that indicated that the telepath already knew the answer.

Knew the answer and was using the question to lead Erik towards answering his own question about the telepath's motivations.]

Same reason?

[ It doesn't take long for Erik to figure it out, certainly not when Charles is looking at Erik like that. He returned the look, offering Charles a knowing smile at the realization that they were after the same interest, trying to rebuild their mutation in their own way. ]

Shaw was so invested in learning about genes, he never gave me the tools I needed to understand what I could do.

[ Erik admits that barely, hands in his pockets as he finally pulls away from the other man, lost back in his recollections of dealing with the man who had, for a greater part of his life, taught him that he was nothing more than a monster. ]

[For the next few steps Charles was quiet as he knew that Erik tended to get tense when the subject of Shaw came up.]

There was no one to give me the tools for my mutation. [He said in a low voice, the once he used when he was discussing something he'd rather not be mentioning.]

I found some answers in Einstein, philosophy and abstract theories. Mother thought it was because I was a genius and she was so proud of my accomplishments. [He says the last word in a way that indicates that Sharon was proud of the accomplishments, not of her son.] She never would have understood that they were desperate attempts to maintain my sanity.

Stop.

[ Erik said, his own mutation coming into play as he held the other mutant back by his belt buckle, pausing in the middle of the hallway. They should have made it back to their room, but while Charles had never spoken of his childhood as much as Erik had his known, he lingered just a moment longer, turning towards Charles. ]

What do you mean, your sanity?

[Charles nearly tumbled as his feet and shoulders kept trying to go forward, while his waist was held fast by the control on his belt buckle. While normally he'd be fascinated by Erik's display of power, Charles gave a startled little yip and gave the metal being an aggrieved look.]

A hand on my arm would have worked. [He said simply, getting his balance sorted back out and taking a moment to also sort himself out as well.

In the end, he exhaled a deep breath, reaching up to brush his fingers through his hair, musing it. They had not spoken much of Charles' childhood because Charles did not like to talk about his childhood. In fact for a man who could be quiet arrogant and certain that his way was the only way, Charles did not like to talk about himself.

However, talking to Erik had always been a natural thing and the telepath found himself without the energy to dance around the subject.]

My mutation manifested at a very early age, Erik. Unfortunately, unlike those delightful pamphlets they give you when you reach puberty, there were no pamphlets to explain what was happening to me or why. Regretfully I did not have any control over the ability to shield my thoughts or block out the minds of others in the beginning.

[Reaching up, he gestured at his temple.]

For a few years it was very crowded up there. At first I was young enough to believe I had very vivid imaginary friends but later ... when I began to recognize that the voices I heard were the gardner and the butler exchanging quite detailed descriptions of the acts they would like to share with my widowed mother ... well.

That was not so imaginary.

[ A hand on his arm would have worked, but Charles would have said no, or found some way to evade it; not that Erik was certain on that matter, but he knew the man could be evasive about a topic if he wasn't inclined to speak about it, brushing aside the matter and changing the subject for his own convenience.

However, as Charles speaks, Erik is well aware that he's privy to something that no one knows about the man, perhaps not even Raven, so close to Charles and having grown up with him. Erik himself had been fortunate enough to have his mother at his side, supportive to her untimely end despite the fact that she couldn't understand what Erik was capable of, so to hear that Charles had been completely, utterly alone, has him reaching out for the telepath's free hand, giving him a light squeeze of reassurance.

You're not alone. Charles' words come running back to him, and while he's inclined to reiterate them at the younger man, Erik knows they'd mean nothing to someone who has been handling this as well as he can. ]

It may be presumptuous of me, but I think you did well. [ He makes no mention of the fact that Erik had been so insistent on keeping Charles out of his head, because this was not the moment for that recollection, only of Charles struggling to come to terms with what he could do. ] To teach yourself entirely from scratch, without anyone to guide or educate you.

No one should have to go through that.

[Charles stood there for a long minute as Erik spoke and while there was understanding and even appreciation for what the man was saying, in his eyes the telepath shifted the topic back off of himself.

Stepping towards Erik, Charles reached up and touched the other man's elbow in one of his almost unconscious gestures of connection.]

No mutant should have to grow up under circumstances like yours, abused and experimented upon or like mine, alone and afraid. That is why I want to be able to focus on education and the school, Erik.

Or at least if I ever get back that is what I want to focus on. [He felt the need to clarify, lowering his hand and sliding it into his pocket.]

Forty years of war, you and I face. Most of our lifetime.

[ He doesn't pull away from Charles this time, instead leaning closer towards the other man, despite the insistent need to shift the topic. There was a time and place to discuss their own issues, but Erik wouldn't press; Charles, like himself, preferred not talking about his past, and Erik could respect that.

Pressing a hand to Charles' shoulder, Erik began to steer him back to their room together. ]

We'll get there. [ On the education, and Charles' school, not the topic of war. Erik wouldn't deny that because he still believed it would come to that if necessary. ] Alex, Hank, Sean, they're just the beginning of this.

What you went through doesn't need to happen, what I went through won't.

[ We're at the start of something incredible. Though Erik had remained cynical throughout, he still took stock of Charles' words during then, of a new species and they were at the forefront. ]

If you run it, I will be there for you.

[It was such a tiny thing, that hand on his shoulder but to Charles, in that moment, it meant the world.

Though Erik had been trying to be open to the idea that they had been more than friends at some point in Charles' timeline of events, the German had still been reserved. Much as he'd been in the first weeks they had met back home. Charles understood it, squashed his own needs and tried to give Erik all the space and respect the man deserved.

But to feel his friend not pull away; to feel his hand in that gentle expression of support, the careful guidance, when Charles was feeling uncertain and confused. It just lifted his heart and the telepath allowed Erik to direct them both, without his typical, prickly response to such a thing.]

That was one of my dreams. [He said softly, opening up still, more than he would normally, though not about his past.] After the days we spent in Westchester, Erik. There were times when I let myself not think about Shaw, Cuba, Russia or the Americans; times when I was running with Hank or training with Sean that I could picture it plain as day.

Classes and training, my friend there is so much we could teach them, about themselves and their gifts. That house, full of laughter and even ... [He gave a little chuckle here.] the sound of utter destruction as someone's abilities got the better of them.

[He smiled quickly at Erik but slowly the smile slid away and Charles looked back down, still letting Erik guide them towards their room.]

It all feels like a lifetime ago. Not because of this place or where I was before, mind but ... as I stood there, on that beach, looking out at all those minds set to destroy us ... it all faded so far away, Erik.

[He's quiet for a moment, perhaps looking more lost that he has since the first time he fell out of a gravbed.]

You were right, my friend. Fear, led to hatred.

[ As much as Erik wanted to say it couldn't be done, as pessimistic as he could be, knowing what Charles had been through, knowing what he had been through. Erik could understand the reasoning for Charles' needs, and the utter intent he had at wanting to allow them to grow and develop.

At least that much, Erik could allow and believe in. While they'd argue over politics and the best move for their kind, Erik could concede that the need to educate them and provide some sort of haven was in their best interest. Though he wouldn't know that in the years to come, the one stance Erik would come to stand by was to never harm Charles' students, it was one that he decided to live by now.

Lowering his hand, Erik let it slip towards Charles' waist, settling there easily. He had taken his time to get to know Charles, afraid of what it would be like to open up to the man who had already known him on an intimate level, but after this particular moment, maybe he could do this. ]

It's not over yet. Charles, you've proven yourself capable with the other mutants, and you can still do that now.

[ Erik offered him a smile, far too optimistic than he'd usually give the other man, but they both needed it. ]

Fear may lead to hatred, but it shouldn't stop you from your ambitions.

[The large hand at his waist felt so familiar and yet, as if this was the very first time all over again. He couldn't help the way he leaned slightly into Erik, steps matching the older man's instinctively as he relaxed some of his own self control to a point where he could just fit himself along Erik's side.

Side by side, as perhaps they should have been had Charles not been so stubborn and Erik so angry.]

Here is not where I worry about it, Erik. [Charles admitted softly.] Its back home.

I learned, things, about the future. Things that I know I never wanted for mutants and which I can not believe that you ever wanted either.

I was so full of hope in those days, Erik. Blinded by my insistence that I knew what was best and I would not listen to you. Balance lay between us but I would not move towards it and while I would love to claim it was due to strong ideology, I think we both know I was just as arrogant in my dreams as you were in your anger.

[Quieting for a moment, Charles walked along and then he stopped and reached out to draw Erik around to face him. Brows drawn together, he looked up into the older man's eyes.]

What I am trying to say, is ... I am sorry, Erik.

[ It wasn't a matter of who was wrong and who was right, though in any other case, Erik would have gladly fought to prove his point, that humanity deserved a harsh reality check in learning where their priorities lay.

He lets Charles maneuver him, even as the man continued to speak about his realization that those days in space had afforded him. It was not a realization he recalled, given the circumstances would be lost to Erik forever, but he wasn't about to be dismissive, not when Charles had blatantly conceded he made a mistake, when they'd both make mistakes and letting their pride get the better of them and believing they could run their kind better than anyone else, when the truth was, they were thrust into that atmosphere. ]

Is that all it took? [ He said softly, catching Charles' eyes and a thin smile on his face. ] A few months in space and encounters from a handful of other mutants to tell you the truth? [ Erik is teasing, trying to make light of the situation ahead of them, but he doesn't discount it, hands slipping to cup both Charles' hands. ]

So long as you've learned, which is more than I can say for anyone else.

[ Which is what set them apart, because no one quite learned from their actions as much as they did. ]

[Though he knew Erik was teasing him gentle, Charles' expression still fell as he looked off to the side for a moment.]

Not just a few months in space, Erik. Believe it or not when the adrenaline stopped pumping through my veins, I was well aware of what would have happened on the beach, had you not been there to stop those missiles.

Alex, Sean, Raven, Hank and myself, we'd have all been dead and I would have lead us right into that death because I was too blinded by my own hubris to accept any end game but my own.

[Exhaling softly, Charles stepped away from Erik, needing to pace, needing the motion of his still working legs under him.]

A few months in space, that was a life time compared to what I learned in those horrific minutes on that beach.

[ He sobered up at Charles' words, at the harsh reality that they were far from any sort of easy concession between the two of them. That no matter what, they would still be caught by the fact if any of them were to slip up at a single moment, they would have died. ]

Charles. [ Even as the man began to pace, Erik reached out, catching the telepath by his hand and holding him in place, this time angling the man so they could talk. ]

It was a mistake.

[ A mistake Erik wasn't so willing to concede, but for the sake of convenience on both their parts, it was a truce they needed. ]

We knew it would happen, but it didn't. [ He wouldn't try to spare any punches when Charles was already devastatingly aware of the situation. ] None of them died, no one lost their lives blindly believing you. And even if you were wrong, Alex and the others, they would have died fighting for what you believed in.

You offered them something to live for, and none of them, yourself included wanted anything else. [ Erik paused, exhaling. ] I wanted so desperately to believe what you offered, even if I knew otherwise. You made a mistake, but it wasn't the end all in this situation.

Your guess is as good as mine. Likely the jump drive, or something else entirely.

[Charles stood quietly in place, listening to Erik but obviously unwilling to take any comfort from the man's words.]

No, it was not the end of the situation but it damn well could have been and if was unwilling to learn from that mistake...

[He began only to stop himself because the last thing he wanted to do was get into the rest of what he knew about the future. How his hubris would once again twist around to bite him in the ass. How it would kill both himself and Scott, make Jean and Logan murderers, Charles winced at the memory and shook his head.]

The stakes became too high for me to play so fast and loose with responsibility. I am not interested in repeating my mistakes.

Then don't. [ Erik's tone comes out perhaps harsher than intended, but his words still contain merit, or at least to himself. ] What happened that day is something we both learned; I took my own lesson that we'll never be accepted, and you took your own.

[ It was a reminder, perhaps, that Erik would likely never agree on the same subject as Charles, but his words still held true. ]

You have more responsibility than anyone else does, Charles. Don't mess that up.

[ Though Erik does however, note the wince, his pale eyes devoid of any emotion at the sight. Charles isn't letting on enough, that much he realizes, but Erik isn't going to prod. Those months in space were Charles' memories alone, even if he may have been there in some form to share them. ]

I won't forgive you for those words you said, but you learned from it. [ Straightening up, Erik finally pulls away from the other man. ] That's all that matters to me.

[Charles' head came up and back as if stung, which was fairly accurate for how he felt at Erik's words. He could swallow his pride, perhaps better than he ever had back before Cuba -or after if reports were to be believed- but there were limits.]

I see.

[For Charles an apology was extended in the hopes of forgiveness for a transgression. If it was not to be accepted, then ... he would have to live with that.]

Very well.

[He was rambling a bit, thrown off momentarily by Erik's response and struck, once again, with the sharp reminder that this man was not the same man he'd known. Glancing away, Charles took a deep breath and then slid his hands into his pockets.]

I think I'll go check out this Oxygen Garden. Clear my head a little of the recycled air. One thing I have never been able to completely reconcile myself too, the breathing of recycled air.

Do you want my company?

[ It was once again, an offer of a truce, despite the fact that they both would go their separate ways; Erik knew Charles had learned something and he was quite pleased with that outcome, but at the same time, it was clear the telepath had not taken the same message. Erik had forgiven him, but with a warning not to mess things up a second time as he was the kind of man to endure things and subsequently hold onto them for life. ]

Edited 2012-08-03 20:24 (UTC)

[Studying Erik for a long moment, Charles' expression fell a little as he was reminded that this man was not the same man he had known back on Coruscant. It had been easy to try to see one for the other but he needed to stop trying to expect the same reactions from the two men.

Grief and loss of the love he'd known hit him in the chest and Charles took a deep breath, working it around the knot in his throat and swallowing a couple of times convulsively before speaking.]

While I appreciate the offer, I think I would be best served, left to my own company for a bit, Erik.

[He answered softly, giving the other man a small, wan smile, lips parting as if to say something further, then closing as Charles forced himself to turn and start walking away.]

006 | text

text

text; encrypted 100%

text.

Text

text.

text.

text; encrypted 100%

text

Action

text

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

text.

text; encrypted 100%

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action

text; encrypted 100%

Action

Action

Action

Action

Action