[ The question leaves Hotspur in silent thought for a few brief seconds and when he replies it's in a slow, measured tone as he chooses his words carefully. ]

At first... at first I didn't think about 'why' - because it wasn't important. Whatever reason that the Gods had seen fit to bring us all here was reason enough for me, even if we didn't know all the details.

[ His voice breaks off as emotion catches hold and when he resumes he sounds more worried again, even a little frantic - and the guilt has returned. ]

But now - now it's been so long. And some pretty terrible stuff has happened - terrible stuff to good people. I mean, the demons? That wasn't just a test, surely - that was actual evil. And it could have ended really badly if it weren't for you and Dean being around. [ He pauses. ] Really badly.

So what if that wasn't actually a part of the plan the Gods have for us? What if we are just... just too far away. Out of reach. Lost, even.