ataraxion | video ★ 004

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video ★ 004

[ Fair warning, this alien is rather foul mouthed. He only mimics what he has learned from America. ]

Fucking. Fucking. Fuck.

_{[ This is heard telepathically to all watching the video, followed by some tongue clicking as he turns the device on.
Hi Ataraxion. Have +1 grey alien leaning into the communicator and holding it a bit lopsided at first before pulling the communicator away from him and setting it on a hard surface. He crouches down so he's in the camera view again before beginning to eat form a back of chips. ]}

Ahh, fucking. It seems we have to go through this process a whole fucking lot! Mmmmm, negative feelings towards this. It would be nice to fucking go home. Working on that for all of you; that is what my bro America says.

_{[ ANOTHER POTATO CHIP IN THE MOUTH. He seems to be in America's room, but there is no America. ]}

Hmmm. There are new arrivals. I am speaking on behalf of America since he is busy at the moment. My name is Mr. Tony, or Tony-bro if you are fucking tight. We should be fucking rad together.

Mr. America requests that those NATIONS aboard this fucking ship take the time to fill out a fucking form for the next fucking world meeting he is fucking arranging and fucking text it back. This will clear up any fucking confusion in fucking advance, hmmm. Possibly prevent a fucking death threat....unlike last time. This will happen every time a fucking jump occurs.
The date for the next fucking meeting is to be announced at a later fucking time, my friends.

HUMAN NAME: COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: LANGUAGE(S): DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: WHAT YEAR IS IT: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): TEA OR COFFEE: ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: WHO WON THE COLD WAR: DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND:

As for the rest of you, if you have any fucking questions that have to fucking do with Earth, fucking humans or fucking embodiments of fucking nations, contact us and we will be fucking happy to fill you in on how they behave, their diets, mannerisms, and any fucking thing else you may be fucking curious about.

[ CUE A THUMBS UP before the feed cuts. Though, the sound of a chainsaw revving up is in the background before silence]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

HUMAN NAME: Elizaveta Héderváry

COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: ~~People's Republic of~~ ~~Country that is far better than America~~ Hungary

LANGUAGE(S): Hungarian, German, Russian, English, Greek, Turkish, Polish, Rusyn, Serbian, Ukranian, Armenian, Croatian, Romani, Romanian, Slovak, Slovene

DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: I'm female, thank you.

WHAT YEAR IS IT: 1956

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: ... ~~Yes.~~ Not willingly so.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: ~~Was in it.~~ It hasn't fallen.

DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: Whenever it falls, hell no.

ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: ~~Yes.~~ Against my will.

IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: N/A

DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): None of your business.

TEA OR COFFEE: Both.

ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: ~~Shut up.~~ :|

DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: His life.

ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): I was involved with them, yes.

ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): No.

ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: Can I be neutral?

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: ~~What.~~ Does trying to take his life count?

WHO WON THE COLD WAR: Still going, fuck off.

DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): Not particularly?

IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: Fuck off, America.

IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: No.

CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: What kind of stupid question is this.

[He actually starts filling this out, pauses, and has to stop out of embarrassment.]

This is Japan. Surely that is enough to mention.

Thank you so fucking much. We'll fucking keep this.

_{[ A beat as he reads. ]}

Fucking commie.

Mr. America is unsure if you should attend the next meeting, dude.

Not fucking enough.
If you do not do this, I will fucking burn your eyes out of their fucking sockets.
In the most polite way since you are a fucking friend.

[... Pffthaha, what.]

I assure you that I've had sleep and enough destressing that I should be fine. And I'm not communist by my own will, thank you.

[SHOCK.]

...Ah... One moment, please.

That is fucking true.
But Mr. America informed me you tried to fucking kill him.

He is still unsure if you presence is beneficial or not.
That is what he fucking told me, bro.

HUMAN NAME: palmer joss!!! i spell my name with exclamation marks.
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: fuckasslandia!
LANGUAGE(S): farts.
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: that is very impolite!
WHAT YEAR IS IT: 2051 AG
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: no!
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: we watch movies all day. and everybody else does, too.
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): we spell our words however we want! But mostly with a lot of F's, like in PFFFFT PFFFT PFFFFFFT. i have just insulted you in my language!
TEA OR COFFEE: we like all drinks that are bad for your teeth.
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: we are filthy rich and often roll around in our own money.
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: a thousand million gazillion dollars, and maybe a boonbuck.
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: we hate everybody.
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: ok.

Edited 2012-01-19 04:39 (UTC)

To be fair, I did, yes. But that was due to sleep deprivation and a number of different stressors. All of which have been dealt with.

Would you be in the best of moods without sleep and having come from a time of fighting with Russia?

_{[ A pause as he scans all of this over. ]}

Fucking Fuckasslandia isn't on the map; I destroyed it years ago.
I would have to fucking, like, consult with Mr. America about even allowing you to meetings if you aren't a nation.

....

You seem like a good candidate for a friend, however.

HUMAN NAME: Kiku Honda
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: The State of Japan
LANGUAGE(S): Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Tagalog, Portugese, English... Must I list all that I can recall?
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: ...Male.
WHAT YEAR IS IT: 2012.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: No.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: No...
DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: ...No.
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: No.
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: Constitutional Monarchy.
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): Please recall that not all languages share your alphabet, America-san.
TEA OR COFFEE: Tea.
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: ...No comment.
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: Yes...
ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): I used to be.
ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): Does America-san truly have to ask these questions after knowing my name?
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: ...
DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: There is no hostility.
WHO WON THE COLD WAR: What sort of question is this...
DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): How rude!
IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: ...He has helped me, yes.
IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: ...
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: We are friends.

A lot of fucking no's. A typical fucking response from th Japanese.

_{[ At that, the chainsaw noise gets louder than it stops. America quickly runs over and ducks into the camera view. ]}

---Hey JAPAN--!! Hey man! How are you hanging--! Have you settled in nicely??

[THAT ALIEN OF YOURS, AMERICA... Japan just stares, and now he's wondering about the chainsaw noises.]

Ahhh... Yes, I have been doing my best to grow accustomed to everything. Is that sound...?

....
Is it because you have been performing the mating ritual which you kind practice with somebody else on the ship?

you THOUGHT you destroyed it, but you really destroyed our sister country, assfucklandia!
you should totally let me into the meetings because i am a real country and i have real issues about real things.
also i will totally be the BEST friend.
i am so cool that it is like you put ice cubes down your pants in a cool way.
i can be friends with you, too!
even if you destroyed assfucklandia.
but those guys were assholes anyway.

So you're OKAY, right? Like you're fine? People have been helping you out okay?
H.. hahaha, Japan! You should totally visit me whenever you get the chance, I..
I miss you a lot, man!

Oh, that sound is just a chainsaw I'm testing out that I got from the Tansei Station.

...

Do I honestly need to answer that. That's a bit personal, isn't it?

...
You will be a moderate to decent to almost best friend.
I am Mr. America's best friend.

ha ha!
you're a pretty good friend to him, huh?
did he ask you do all this to find him a good friend?
he must be a lonely guy...

_{[ A bit of tongue clicking, like chuckling. ]}
I think Mr. America should find a potential fuckbuddy soon, then.
That is the correct term he uses.

I see...

[So it is a chainsaw. Hm.]

I would be glad to visit America-san, though I am not sure what his room number is. ...And I would not wish to interrupt his testing a chainsaw, so perhaps a better date for an appointment should be suggested...

He rescued me.

And he makes a fucking nice guinea pig since he always lets me wipe his memory.

Hahahahaha! Well, you can always come by and see the chainsaw! It's fucking BADASS, man! Space chainsaw, dude! Everything is better when you put space in front of it!

I'd stop messing with the chainsaw to see you in person, though, if that makes you more comfortable..

_{[ aw. ]}

[Stupid alien thing, uuuugh.]

If anyone would touch him with a five foot pole. And what I do isn't classified as "fuckbuddy", thank you very much.

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