video ★ 004

[herocomplex]

[ Fair warning, this alien is rather foul mouthed. He only mimics what he has learned from America. ]

Fucking. Fucking. Fuck.

_{[ This is heard telepathically to all watching the video, followed by some tongue clicking as he turns the device on.
Hi Ataraxion. Have +1 grey alien leaning into the communicator and holding it a bit lopsided at first before pulling the communicator away from him and setting it on a hard surface. He crouches down so he's in the camera view again before beginning to eat form a back of chips. ]}

Ahh, fucking. It seems we have to go through this process a whole fucking lot! Mmmmm, negative feelings towards this. It would be nice to fucking go home. Working on that for all of you; that is what my bro America says.

_{[ ANOTHER POTATO CHIP IN THE MOUTH. He seems to be in America's room, but there is no America. ]}

Hmmm. There are new arrivals. I am speaking on behalf of America since he is busy at the moment. My name is Mr. Tony, or Tony-bro if you are fucking tight. We should be fucking rad together.

Mr. America requests that those NATIONS aboard this fucking ship take the time to fill out a fucking form for the next fucking world meeting he is fucking arranging and fucking text it back. This will clear up any fucking confusion in fucking advance, hmmm. Possibly prevent a fucking death threat....unlike last time. This will happen every time a fucking jump occurs.
The date for the next fucking meeting is to be announced at a later fucking time, my friends.

<b>HUMAN NAME:</b><br /><br /><b>COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE:</b><br /><br /><b>LANGUAGE(S):</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS:</b><br /><br /><b>WHAT YEAR IS IT:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU A COMMUNIST:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour):</b><br /><br /><b>TEA OR COFFEE:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT:</b><br /><br /><b>DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON:</b><br /><br /><b>WHO WON THE COLD WAR:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles):</b><br /><br /><b>IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO:</b> <br /><br /><b>CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND:</b>


As for the rest of you, if you have any fucking questions that have to fucking do with Earth, fucking humans or fucking embodiments of fucking nations, contact us and we will be fucking happy to fill you in on how they behave, their diets, mannerisms, and any fucking thing else you may be fucking curious about.

[ CUE A THUMBS UP before the feed cuts. Though, the sound of a chainsaw revving up is in the background before silence]

Comments

[hagyjbeken]

HUMAN NAME: Elizaveta Héderváry

COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: People's Republic of Country that is far better than America Hungary

LANGUAGE(S): Hungarian, German, Russian, English, Greek, Turkish, Polish, Rusyn, Serbian, Ukranian, Armenian, Croatian, Romani, Romanian, Slovak, Slovene

DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: I'm female, thank you.

WHAT YEAR IS IT: 1956

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: ... Yes. Not willingly so.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: Was in it. It hasn't fallen.

DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: Whenever it falls, hell no.

ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: Yes. Against my will.

IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: N/A

DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): None of your business.

TEA OR COFFEE: Both.

ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: Shut up. :|

DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: His life.

ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): I was involved with them, yes.

ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): No.

ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: Can I be neutral?

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: What. Does trying to take his life count?

WHO WON THE COLD WAR: Still going, fuck off.

DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): Not particularly?

IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: Fuck off, America.

IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: No.

CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: What kind of stupid question is this.

[herocomplex]

Thank you so fucking much. We'll fucking keep this.

_{[ A beat as he reads. ]}

Fucking commie.

Mr. America is unsure if you should attend the next meeting, dude.

[hagyjbeken]

[... Pffthaha, what.]

I assure you that I've had sleep and enough destressing that I should be fine. And I'm not communist by my own will, thank you.

[ text ]

[fourseasons]

[He actually starts filling this out, pauses, and has to stop out of embarrassment.]

This is Japan. Surely that is enough to mention.

video;

[herocomplex]

Not fucking enough.
If you do not do this, I will fucking burn your eyes out of their fucking sockets.
In the most polite way since you are a fucking friend.

[text]

[zoosmell]

HUMAN NAME: palmer joss!!! i spell my name with exclamation marks.
COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: fuckasslandia!
LANGUAGE(S): farts.
DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: that is very impolite!
WHAT YEAR IS IT: 2051 AG
ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: no!
IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: we watch movies all day. and everybody else does, too.
DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): we spell our words however we want! But mostly with a lot of F's, like in PFFFFT PFFFT PFFFFFFT. i have just insulted you in my language!
TEA OR COFFEE: we like all drinks that are bad for your teeth.
ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: we are filthy rich and often roll around in our own money.
DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: a thousand million gazillion dollars, and maybe a boonbuck.
ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: we hate everybody.
CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: ok.

video;

[herocomplex]

_{[ A pause as he scans all of this over. ]}

Fucking Fuckasslandia isn't on the map; I destroyed it years ago.
I would have to fucking, like, consult with Mr. America about even allowing you to meetings if you aren't a nation.

....


You seem like a good candidate for a friend, however.

[edle_gestalt]

HUMAN NAME: Roderich Edelstein

COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: Austria

LANGUAGE(S): German, Slovene, Croatian, Hungarian... also English, French, Italian.

DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: Male.

WHAT YEAR IS IT: 1955

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: No.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: I was ready to take whatever was coming; relieved to not have to deal with that.

DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: It is still there in my time, but I am glad it's fallen in yours.

ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: No.

IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: Republic.

DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): Indifferent.

TEA OR COFFEE: Coffee.

ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: Yes.

DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: Not that I can think of.

ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): ...Austria. Yes.

ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): N/A

ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: I am neutral. Getting used to it, but ultimately relieved to be so.

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: Indifferent.

WHO WON THE COLD WAR: Capitalism, from what I'm told.

DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): I detest bad cooking. Indifferent on all else.

IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: Admittedly, he has aided me a great deal as of late and I am grateful that he has seen me as a victim of circumstance rather than a perpetrator.

IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: N/A

CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: Yes?

[herocomplex]

Boring and to the point. Typical of fucking Austria.

_{[ see what I did there. ]}

Mr. America has bromantic feelings concerning your relationship. You are welcome to meetings.

[text]

[handelaar]

No way. Where's America

text;

[herocomplex]

▀▀NO NEED TO B▓▒E SO GROUCHY MR. HOLLAND
HE IS BUSY RIGHT NOW▓▒▓▒

( video )

[purrfectlycute]

Ohhhhh, so you're Mr. Tony! No wonder Furrance asked if we're related. You've got grey skin and you talk like Karcat, heehee!

If I fill out that form, can I be a nation too?

video;

[herocomplex]

If you promise your fucking duties, soul, life and lunch to Mr. America for the rest of your remaining life.

Then hell yes.

[video]

[godseer]

[ Have a very visible frown. You're abusing the English language, Alfred. ] I hesitate to use the word "speaking" when referring to your sentences that place a "fuck" where most people would place a comma, or an adjective. But how are you... communicating?

video;

[herocomplex]

That is classified information.

_{[ yeah his mouth isn't moving. ]}

[text]

[za_rodina]

...Is America really going to try to pull something like this?

text;

[herocomplex]

_{[ Give him a moment. He's narrowing his eyes at the text before he responds back. ]}

◄▀▀l▓▒▬pFUCKING▓▒▬p▀▀▒▬6◄ COMMI▀▀E....

[sermonize]

I, for one, do not see the similarities.

[herocomplex]

Similarities.
How do you mean precisely.

[bipolar_bride]

HUMAN NAME: Natalia Arlovskaya

COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE: Belarus

LANGUAGE(S): Russian, Belorussian, Polish, English. I doubt you care about the others.

DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS: ...really, America? Female.

WHAT YEAR IS IT: ...2011. Or 2012 now, yes?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION: ...obviously.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL: You are such an idiot..

DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER: I am having mixed fe-- Shut up.

ARE YOU A COMMUNIST: Are you a socialist?

IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT: You like wikipedia; find out for yourself.

DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour): I am not affiliated with those drunkard English...

TEA OR COFFEE: Vodka.

ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT: We are all being in debt.

DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING: Besides too many apologies for sticking his nose into my personal affairs?

ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): Nyet.

ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH): Affiliated.

ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY: I helped save your ass, Amerika. You are ridiculous.

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON: ... one of mine helped get you on the moon. Dick.

WHO WON THE COLD WAR: It is being 2011. GET OVER IT.

DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles): ...

IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR: ... fuck off.

IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO: FUCK. OFF.

CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND: ...I am tired of TYPING in your stupid language.

[herocomplex]

...
Greetings, Bella.
I appreciate your cooperation.

I believe Mr. America wanted to see you sometime soon.

[vestalvogue]

I Have A Question
Actually I Have Several There Is Not A Lot About This Message That Was Clear
What Is Rad
Where Are You From
How Does One Embody A Nation

[herocomplex]

....
You really want that explained?

video

[france]

Tell 'Merica that if he wishes to obtain information regarding my country, then he may read a book about me.

video;

[herocomplex]

_{[ America hears dat accent and instantly just kind of.. shoves Tony out of the way. ]}

Oh no, don't you start that shit, man! Listen, there are really important things I need to know regarding everyone here. Like what if you're from psycho century and I don't know it? Or what if you're actually ENGLISH?
Holy CRAP, my life has been a lie!

I encountered a really dangerous situation, and I don't wanna run into that again! Just fill it out and stop being a dick, okay?