[That’s George. That’s George, stinking drunk, gargling his friend’s name.]
Mitchell and I were, were talking, and we agreed that you really...spend too much time with -- with werewolf cultists. Cultists in general, really. It’s -- it’s quite bad. And you really ought to...stop. Now, please don’t...Just hear us, hear us out --
Tell her why.
[That’s Mitchell, equally slurred--a little quieter, because he’s not as near to the device as George is, as he’s mostly slumped against George’s shoulder.]
Tell her why, so she understands--she can’t join any cults, and she can’t just be making tea for cultists, it’s-- Christ, it’s hot, why is it so hot--
Heater’s broken, I expect.
[George gives a little burp. Class act, this one.]
But -- yeah, right. It’s...There are lots of reasons you can’t join cults, Annie. First. First, you’re only joining up because you’re in a...transitional point in your, in your life. And there’s nothing -- we still -- it’s really not...good, doing that just because you want...Erm--
[Yeah, he’s trying to remember what he gleaned about cults from having read Helter Skelter like three times in college. He’s not doing a great job.]
No, it’s...They’re just bad for you, is it. Werewolf cults. They’re never good.
Like any cults are good. They’re cults. If they were good, they’d-- not be cults, they’d be-- clubs. Girl Guides. [And like they didn’t just interrupt themselves, Mitchell returns to his previous concluding thought--] It’s no good tellin’ me the heater’s broken, this is-- this is space. Meant t’ be more technologically advanced, no landlords or breaking heaters. Just smiley faces and werewolf cults.
[George isn’t so drunk he can’t engage in a bit of sarcasm.] Well, that’s the explanation, Mitchell. It’s that or we’ve flown into a sun.
That’s not-- aah, shut up, would you. Cults. Talk about cults. They’re bad for you, brainwashing, all of it-- all of what you said, before--
Right. [Right.] Annie, we’re just...We’re worried about you, because the cultists, well, they’re, they’re bad on the face of it. And the others - there are others - the...You know the ones, Sherlock Holmes and the other one, they’ve - [His voice drops.] Annie, they’re not who they say they are. I’m about certain of it. [And a bit louder.] So this is an...an intervention, proper, like they do it on Intervention.
Not tellin’ you what t’ do. Just-- like on Intervention, yeah, but with less shouting and crying. Please let’s not do any crying, or-- pol… [Poltergeisting, but he loses momentum on the word about 25% of the way through.]
Pol-- [Oh, good, George has caught on and he’s here to help, and he is quite cognizant of the possibility of people hacking into this very private message, so he’s got a quick resolution to the word.] Pol...o matches. In the...the garden. Which is, which is how we-- we-- usually...work out...issues. [There. You’re welcome, Mitchell.]
Polo matches. [Even pissed, Mitchell can sound less-than-impressed with that. Wow, so cool. Polo matches.] Give me another beer, would you, I’m not going t’ discuss polo matches without more to drink.
All right-- [And the crack and hiss of a bottle of beer being opened, and he passes it to Mitchell. But yeah. Yeah. If anyone hacks this private message to Annie, their butts are covered.] Anyway. Annie. It’s...we’re...we’re doing this out of, of care. And worry. And...all that. Just...we are begging you, stop -- with the cults. No more cults. New house rule. No cults, no cultists. For anyone. I will not, not -- not be involved, and Mitchell won’t, and we can get Nina to sign off, too, I’m sure -- no more cults. Or we’ll, we’ll…
[Right, there are always consequences on Intervention if they don’t agree to cut out their bad behavior-- ]
No more cults, or we confiscate space Titanic. [This is serious. Serious consequences and serious threats.]
Right. [Good one.] And no more of the, the...hands-on-head thing. No more of that. So...Yeah. That’s - those are - that’s -- this is the, the trade.
[And that’s it. That’s the intervention.]
[Blue is George, red is Mitchell.]